Cost of a Wedding

I read the scariest thing this morning. Out of curiosity, I plugged our zipcode into a website that tells you what, on average, people in my area spend on their weddings. I about fell out of my chair when I saw the results…

“On average, couples that live in Washington, DC 20007 spend between $27,384 and $45,641 for their wedding.”

My jaw just about hit the floor. Patrick and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. If we had all the money in the world, who knows what we would blow on a wedding. Even if we were making substantially more than we make now, however, I’m not sure I could justify that kind of pricetag.  Right now we’re not even CLOSE to the lower end of that spectrum.  Chop off about… $13,000 to $14,000 from that low figure, and that’s more our speed.

It depends on the kind of bride you are, though. I’ve heard stories where people have been told “You can’t have a decent wedding under $50,000.” Other people err on the side of being frugal. It just depends what your priorities are.

I have to admit that once the first flush of the “OMG I AM GETTING MARRIED! OMG I AM ENGAGED!” wore off, and I started looking at how much things actually cost, I panicked. Eventually I put myself back together, but it was a panic that re-occurred time and time again because, as planning went on, I felt like we were having to sacrifice and compromise so much, due to cost constraints.

For example, when I was looking at hairdressers to do my hair on my wedding day, I found one that was definitely in my price range! It was then that I read the fine print. “My fee is $X. If this is for a wedding, regardless of what day of the week, please add $350 to the normal fee.”

What?

See, I’m totally okay with businesses capitalizing in a niche market, such as weddings, but I think the inflation of certain costs have gotten completely out of hand. I understand going into debt for a car, or getting a mortgage for a house. What I don’t understand is going into marriage in debt due to one day! If it is something that is well within your means to pay off after the big day, of course, no problem. Otherwise, I think there’s just this compulsion, when it comes to weddings. Things have to be just so. The right flowers. The right dress. The right food. Otherwise, people will talk!

It got to the point where a couple of times, I would cry to Patrick, saying we can’t afford a wedding, but I just want to get married! The thought of a courthouse wedding was tossed out by both of us at various times, but we just kept trudging ahead, hoping it would work out.

What was interesting is that once we stopped focusing so hard on what we were “supposed to have” at a wedding, and just started planning what we really wanted, things got much easier… and I got more creative.

Ours, while somewhat traditional, will have its quirks. The rehearsal dinner is probably going to be more like a house party, with beer and pizza. I would say I would do my usual cooking, but I will also be making our wedding cake, so I don’t know how much I’ll want to be cooking the night before the wedding. It isn’t some lavish evening affair on a Saturday night. It’s a cocktail party with dancing, early Saturday afternoon. Instead of a champagne toast, we’re contemplating buying everyone a round of Guinness or Cider. A nice simple wedding dress for me, and no tuxes for the guys. The girls, other than “fun red cocktail dress” have received no further rules about what they should wear as a bridesmaid dress. Instead of a “big fat” diamond for my engagement ring, I have a “big fat” ruby that is so sparkly and beautiful.

We wanted to focus more on everyone having a good time and being able to relax, rather than on the scalloped edging of a label that’s going on a favor box. That’s not to say I am not paying attention to detail, it’s just… we have different priorities. 

While there have been roadblocks due to financial hiccups, I will say that I like that we’re the ones in control of the money. Why? We’re the ones making the final calls. People can have opinions (although we’ve both been blessed with parents who are happy with whatever we’re happy with), but ultimately we have the final say in what we’re having at our wedding. There’s no one there, dangling a check in front of us saying “YOU HAVE TO HAVE PUFFY TAFFETA SLEEVES! YOU CAN’T HAVE A WEDDING WITHOUT A WALTZ! OH, BUT THIS SHADE OF TEAL IS ALL THE RAGE! YOU’LL SEE!”

Planning is definitely not what I expected it to be, and I really don’t think it has to do with money. Frankly, if we had more money, I’m not sure we’d make any drastic changes, other than an open bar, more food, and maybe a few other perks. It makes you evaluate what’s important.  While I definitely started out this process feeling like nothing we could ever afford would be good enough, and I would constantly and forever feel gipped, I don’t feel that way anymore.  Everything is perfectly us… right down to the Guinness toast.

Find out the average in your area! http://www.costofwedding.com/

Invitations and Typography

With us getting ready to send out our Save the Dates, that means invitations are not too far down the pike.  I’m already beside myself with the fact that our wedding is LESS than seven months away!  In fact today is the one year anniversary of the day we got engaged!  (Awww!)

What I’ve really enjoyed looking at recently are invitations with interesting typography!  Something that moves away from your standard romantic flowing script.

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So far, these are my favorite, and Patrick really likes them, too.  My favorite thing about them is their somewhat Western/rustic look, but the variety of fonts gives it a softer more elegant look.  Not only that it can be customized for our colors.  Perhaps a nice deep red on a cream cardstock?  Love.

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This is really gorgeous, because not only is there a mix of fonts (like above), there is also the interchanging of color, which would look fabulous with the right set.  Contrast is always beautiful.  It also somewhat resembles some sort of old movie ticket or something.  I really like this one a lot, but as I’m not a fan of light aqua colors, I’m having a little trouble visualizing the red and brown.  Patrick really loved this one, but is straddling the fence between this one and the first one.

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Okay, so technically it’s a Save the Date, but look at that!  Look at the font!  You’d think I was some sort of designer, but I couldn’t create anything graphically on a computer if it killed me!  I just love the look of a sassy looking font.

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A little more bold and modern.  A little less flourish.  A whole lotta hotness right there, though.

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I love the extending letters.  It reminds me of those mod movie posters from back in the sixties that seem to be making a comeback today.

I really love how designers are moving outside the box, away from the basic flourish-y invitation days of yore.  Invitations have become such a personal statement.  I cannot wait for us to choose ours!

…still leaning towards that first one. Swoon.

Something Guinness, Something New…

This past Friday, a group of us went out for my Maid of Honor’s birthday in Capitol Hill.  Take a gander at the birthday girl!

A great time was had by all, for sure!  While we were out, I learned something about Patrick.  We’ve been together for almost a year and a half, and I had no idea that the boy does not like cake!  Not even a little bit!  The only reason we even figured it out was, as we were passing around birthday cake and cupcakes for my MOH, he declined repeated offers.  Since many of you don’t know Patrick, he’s a man who may look lean and athletic, but he is like a vaccuum.  Put food in front of him, and it’s gone.  He’s not a picky eater, so how could this be?!  For his birthday he was just grateful for the party that he didn’t mention that he wasn’t a fan of the birthday cake.  I feel so bad.  I also feel weird! How did I not know this?  The birthday girl, proceeded to scold Patrick, calling him a “dirty Communist,” and other lovely epithets.

I can’t say that I disagree with her.  It’s un-American to dislike cake.  He does, however, love a particular kind of cupcake that I make.  It’s a Guinness Cupcake:

This gem of a cupcake (baked and photographed by yours truly) was also courtesy of my maid of honor, as I yoinked the recipe from her for last St. Patrick’s Day. Keep those lovelies in mind, as they will figure prominently in a paragraph or so.

We all kept talking about the horror of Mr. Argument’s lack of cake love, and suddenly it dawned on me.  What the heck are we going to do for his groom’s cake?  Furthermore, is he even going to like our wedding cake?  He proclaimed that he does like pie, so we’re going to have a Groom Pie for him, breaking from tradition a bit.

So today I was thinking about the latter part of the dilemma: the wedding cake.  What kind of wedding cake do you get for a man who does not like cake? Well, we’ve been toying with an idea from the get go, before the whole “SAY NO TO CAKE!” conspiracy was exposed. 

The trendy cupcake wedding tree cake, with a regular cake for cutting on the top.  In addition to being a friendly option for a cupcake enthusiast, such as myself, it can be a frugal option, depending on where you have your cake made.  I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this.  Well, I love cupcakes, and Patrick loves the Guinness Cupcakes, so we’re going to do the wedding cupcake tiered thing, but with Guinness Cupcakes!

One little thing, though.  What self-respecting bakery would allow you to walk in with a pre-picked recipe of your own, and have them make it for you?  Not one!  So, since apparently I enjoy hurdle-jumping through my own life and wedding planning, I’m making the whole wedding cake myself, from the following recipe that I have to share with all of you:

Guinness Cupcakes

Ingredients:
1 12 oz bottle Guinness stout
1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter, melted
1 Tbsp. pure vanilla extract
3 large eggs
3/4 cup sour cream
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa, plus more for garnish
2 1/2 cups sugar
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp. baking soda

FOR FROSTING:

1 8 oz. package cream cheese, softened
1 cup heavy cream
1 1/2 pounds confectioners’ sugar

Preparation:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large mixing bowl, combine the Guinness, melted butter and vanilla. Beat in the eggs, one at a time. Mix in the sour cream. In another large bowl, whisk together the cocoa, sugar, flour and baking soda. Gradually mix the dry ingredients into the wet Guinness mixture. Butter 24 muffin tins and divide the batter among them. Bake 25 minutes, until risen and set in the middle but still soft and tender. Cool before turning out of the tins. Makes 24.

I cheated the a little bit the last time I made them, because I used store bought cream cheese icing. No one complained.  So yea, with this new challenge, I will be learning how to make a homemade layered cake (where the layers don’t slide around), and making something wedding cake worthy.  I see many tastings and impromptu cupcake parties in my future.  I’m actually kind of excited for it! I have rejected anything DIY, when it comes to the wedding, and I’m proud for taking this on. While I know this will be crazy, I know it’s going to be a lot of fun.  Also, Patrick says he has no problem taking one for the team and subjecting himself to numerous tastings.  He’s so giving and selfless, right? 

You will definitely have some “trial and error” posts in your future on this blog, and as errors are fun, they will be well documented.

Edible Wedding Centerpieces

We’ve seen the basket full of apples, and towers of apples that are now making the rounds as centerpieces in weddings.  No doubt as to why, as apples are pretty sassy all around.  Then I came across this edible centerpiece…

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Green beans, asparagus, and artichokes!  How neat is that?  I am absolutely in love with the idea.  At the source, you’ll find some progress photos, as this amazing DIY-bride kicks crafty butt, making these centerpieces.

Makes me think of white wine, backyard wedding receptions, and nighttime dancing.  Sigh, wedding evny, hehe!

Bridal Bouquet Inspiration

With our color scheme of red, brown, and ivory/white, I knew I had to have a red bouquet.  Even though it’s a late morning/early afternoon affair, I wanted something fun and dramatic… I had dreams of bold red bouquets, and knew it was perfect for me, as a fall bride… or so I thought! 

As I was looking through, I was suprised by how stunning simple white (with splashes of green) bouquets look… 

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I love the lush look of it!  It looks so fresh, and beautiful.  And look at the gorgeous peony. Drool.  Although I fear it’s a bit to fresh spring/summer.

Then I saw this!

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Leave it to Martha Stewart, right?  I love the natural look, using something other than your usual flowers.  And that BOW! I know ribbon bound bouquets are common, but that bow is just so beautiful and romantic.  I would probably alter the bouquet to fit our color scheme. Some reds and whites in there… maybe a beautiful clay/chocoloate brown bow?  I just want to hug it! But that would be bad.  Flowers are made for bouquets and visual admiration, not hugs.

The next one I came across was unique and so… out there! It wouldn’t fit my wedding, but the look was so different and neat, I couldn’t ignore it.

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If someone says lettuce or kale to me, I don’t think wedding and bouquets.  Then again, the edibles are making their way onto the wedding scene.  (That’ll be a post for later today, though.)  How cool is that, though?  I tend to like my bouquets a little more densely packed, but it’s so cool!  

I thought a bouquet choice was going to be easy, but… sigh. So many options!  Can I be like Jennifer Lopez and have more than one bouquet, changing throughout the whole wedding, like she does with her costumes at awards shows?  

I am kind of leaning toward the Martha Stewart concept.  I think it’s the bow.  Put a lush romantic bow on something, and I’m yours forever.

 

Battle of the Bulge

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Normally, I resist the urge to post twice in one day, but today I fought the good fight and lost, so here I am.  I came across this article earlier.  For the click challenged, the article talks about the expected hurdle many brides face: looking perfect in their wedding dress.  (Let’s face it; you don’t hear a lot of pressure being put on men to “Look smashing in that tux! Make her melt!”)  It then talks about this crazy program called Bridal Retreats, where one can pay $8,000 for two weeks or $60,000 for six weeks.  What do you get for that nominal fee?

Basically, you check yourself in a luxury, one-bedroom suite (with an ocean view) and spend several weeks getting fit.

From 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. each day you’ll be guided through a rigorous schedule of training sessions, workout classes, meetings with a nutritionist, massages and motivational speeches.

Now I, myself, am a bride-to-be.  Patrick and I will be tying the knot this upcoming November.  As such, I do have the moments where I’m telling myself that maybe, just maybe, I should put that extra taco down.  I’m not the most get-up-and-go kind of gal, running and training for marathons like many of my compatriots. (You runners are amazing, and I am a lazy wine drinker.)  I still don’t want to have to be wheeled down the aisle, due to my legs inability to carry my own weight, though. Or, even worse, I would hate to have to be rolled down the aisle by a team of ninja midgets, as I have taken on the appearance that is more bowling ball than Blushing Bride.  The latter has been a strange reoccuring wedding nightmare over the past couple of weeks.

The above, however, seems excessive.  Looking at those figures is causing me to scream inside, “But $8,000 is more than the cost of our entire wedding!” I know that’s a rarity for this area, but still, I can’t be the only one thinking this, even though my salary is more modest than some.  

Reading that article, so many different thoughts were racing through my head.  For one, it’s just another sign of the industry making the wedding more about the dress and the ever-inflating cost of the “oh-so important” details, rather than about the marriage and joining of two people.  (God, that sounds high and mighty.)  Also, are people really that obsessed with their weight on their wedding date?

I have to admit here and now that when Mr. Patrick first proposed last year, a feeling of horror shot up and down my spine.  ”I am way too large to look pretty on my wedding day.”  As background, my senior year of high school, I got into a bad car accident that left my right knee pretty messed up.  I got depressed and never really recovered from it.  Subsequently, I kind of let myself balloon.  Anyway, while I was excited about getting married, I was completely terrified of anything related to me in a dress, and in pictures on our wedding day.

A few months ago, I just stopped caring.  I don’t know why, but I kind of threw my hands up in the air and said, I’ll start eating better and going to the gym, but I’m not going to kill myself to get into a dress.  Frankly, I worry about (re: obsess over/over-analyze) so many things on a daily basis, I really didn’t need to put any icing on my crazy cake.  Also, please refer back to the statement of being a lazy wine drinker.  I’m not killing myself for anything, let alone a wedding.

That said, even if I were the type who worked out 3 hours/7 days a week kind of person, I’m not sure how I could justify spending that kind of bank on personal training.  If I wanted to shell out big bucks to go to a resort, it wouldn’t be to work out constantly and basically hate life.  Words like “resort” and “California” are synonymous with beaches, relaxation, mojitos, and the occasional sighting of a botched boob job.  Not dieting, excessive exercise, and food with soy and tofu.

Also, if I had $60k, or even just $8k to throw around, I’m not sure I would spend it on something like that.  I could buy a car.  I could pay off our debt.  It could go towards a fabulous honeymoon, or even towards the wedding itself.

I don’t know! Everyone has different priorities, so I’m just curious… if you had the money to do that, would you?  Maybe if I had all the money in the world, I might. I don’t know! It’s just such an interesting thing to think about.

Registry Snafu!

I apologize for the delay in posts!  The Future-Mr. has been so sick all weekend, and I had a very ill patient to tend to.

A couple of months ago, it appeared that someone had purchased something off of our Williams-Sonoma wedding registry!  I was excited.  Granted, I thought a bit eager-beaverish, as our wedding is not until November, and it was then February, but I was not about to say no to this. (I really like Provencal roosters.)  Not only that, I’m a bit of a wedding newbie.  I’ve only attended one large wedding, so I’m terrible with knowing what things should be done when, such as buying a gift.

I spent the past two months being too oblivious to notice that I could find out who purchased that gift by looking at the Thank You Note Manager.  I finally figured that out last night, only to realize that… I had no idea who the person was, nor were they a person who would be a guest of someone we do know.  And they were from Memphis.  And they had my gift shipped to their residence.  So now someone else is getting the apron, and I’m sad.  I wonder what the bride and groom of the correct wedding that person was shopping for will think of their unexpected gift.  I hope they like roosters!

In all seriousness, I don’t know what to do.  I can no longer remove the apron from the registry and re-add it, as it has been purchased, so the remove option is no longer there.  I could add another apron, but who would get me a duplicate of something the registry says I’m already receiving.

Thankfully it’s not an expensive item, so I can purchase it myself.  I just wish people would be more careful and review the details of who they’re shopping for!  I really don’t know who this person is at all.

I’ll have to give Williams-Sonoma Customer Service a try.  Has anyone ever had this to them?